Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The World Record

This tidy tale starts with the premise that the world record is .295 held by some kid.  The story is set in the State of Neverhappen and it is a tale about CowboyAverage.  He is newcomer to the sport starting late in life after the ravages of age had already set in.  He practices a lot and get his draw speed to just a little over 200 milliseconds and his reaction time of just over 200 mls and therefore is a pretty consistent low 4 shooter.

CowboyAverage has been lobbying the powers to be for several years for a state championship to be held in the land of Neverhappen to no avail.  Finally, a small club in an outlying area musters its resources and punks down the down payment for a state championship.  CowboyAverage is elated.  He immediately begins a new training program and gets his draw time to 150 mls.  He still struggles with his reaction time but through keen observation notes that some of the fastest shooters use "the Shift."  He begins using "the Shift" and finds he can cut his reaction time by 60 mls or so but losses some accuracy.  One of CowboyAverage 's advantages is that for 40 years he was the anchor bowler for the Sandhills Rollers.  He knows how to perform under pressure and to reach down into the reservoir of adrenaline when needed.

The day arrives for the State Championship of the State of Neverhappen and the turn out is good.  Apparently most of the world record chasers have come, among them a young shooter, NeverQuit.  NeverQuit cares nothing about championships, wins or Xs, he is solely in pursuit of the world record.  He shoots right at .300 and is so close he can taste it.  

The shoot progresses normally.  CowboyAverage is so fortunate that he can use the words of William Munny, "I was lucky in the order, but then I have always been lucky when it comes to ......"
CowboyAverage has generally forsaken the "Shift" in favor of accuracy and throughout the match has been shooting in the high 3s or low 4s. He reaches the Magnificent Seven clean and is therefore seeded #1, all of the pursuers of the grail having shot each other up.

NeverQuit survives to the final match.  CowboyAverage knows he has no chance on speed and begins as planned without the "Shift."  NeverQuit, still in pursuit of the grail, promptly goes down 0-2.  He then finds the target with two rounds and the match is tied 2-2.  CowboyAverage knows it is now or never and he speculates the NeverQuit will slow for accuracy.  CowboyAverage reaches down into the reservoir for adrenaline and also decides to use the "Shift." The light turns, both draw a perfect draw, two hits .294 to .296.  Neverhappen finally has a State Champion and new World Record.

In the elation CowboyAverage turns to NeverQuit and says, "I said I didn't have much use for it (the Shift), I didn't says I didn't know how to use it."  To which NeverQuit replies, "Anticipation, Anticipation!"

Into the fray comes Knowitall who immediately calls  a meeting of the arbitration committee, consisting of Knowitall, Idontknow, and Idontcare, each of whom pulls out their copy of the rule book, each having a different version.  After serious consultation but without listening to anyone, Knowitall, pronounces that indeed the fat lady has not yet sung, and declares a provisional anticipation.  CowboyAverage will have to back it up.

The shooters again take the line, both knowing what is about to happen.  Both draw on that reservoir and both make a perfect draw except CowboyAverage's bullet just grazes the top of his holster.  NeverQuit hits the target at .294. World Record!.  NeverQuit can not contain himself and proceeds to dance a 360 jig forgetting to holster his gun.  The Range Master, Nononsence, calls a safety violation and disqualifies NeverQuit.  CowboyAverage's hand judge correctly calls a boot shot.

Again Knowitall is called upon make an announcement.  He proceeds to say CowboyAverage is the State Champion due to the disqualification of NeverQuit. The World Record of .294  by NeverQuit stands even as he was disqualified, because he had back it up all day long.

The Comish gets wind of the goings on at the State Championship of the State of Neverhappen and promptly disenfranchises the shoot for a lack of institutional control.  The Comish demands the return of the state championship buckle from CowboyAverage who responds, "You can have it back, I just been using it for target practice for my deer rifle. By the way I no longer exist!"  CowboyAverage having been infected with grail pursuit himself has change his alias to WRorBust.

Meanwhile somewhere on the plains a group of old timers are sitting round the fire lamenting the good old days when it was safety first, fun second,  and competition third.

Bloggers Comments:
1.  Some of you will comment that "Neverhappen" is an apt name for the state since this will never happen.  The name comes from the prophecy that the blogger doubts he will ever see a state championship in his lifetime.  The rest of the scenario may be historical.  CowboyAverage may exist in Neverhappen or "maybe it means"  that bronc stomper from north of the river who bought the 160 acres of hard land and got the name also, now wearing the black badge.  It may also mean the Comish hitting a .275 at nationals and declaring it an anticipation when eight grade math tells you that he has a draw quicker than a 200 mls and therefore the Comish actually started his draw 75 mls after the light came on.  We are now calling anticipation by arbitrary rule rather than eye witness hand judges.

2. Some of you may comment that the blogger does not know the rules, to which the blogger would response "Don't assume I don't know the rules."  An author is granted "certain literary license" to which Little Bill says, "Quick don't count for much in a gunfight."

No comments:

Post a Comment